The mental lost and found

I had lost my mind the other day, for a few days really, i got it back yesterday thankfully, but wow it can be uncontrollable, trying to come back around is very difficult!
The only way i find to get out of it, is drugs, tobacco maybe, weed, alcohol and cocaine definitely, or a non drug option is to just constantly change the focus of your attention, until you are out of the 'funk'.  So go see a friend, walk to the shops, read a book, watch tv, listen to podcasts, just do different shit to take your mind out of where it is and put it into something else.  Obv this is easier said than done, but in order to improve your situation you need to keep trying, it didnt work the first time, boo hoo, try again, try something different, something will work, then ta daaa, you have just unskilled yourself! another string to the bow! bingo, u can deal with something better in the future.

smoked weed last night, i didn't have too i could have not, to be honest.  But there is a lot of time i wont be smoking in the future so whatever - i think doing weed, beers, something to chill beans yourself at the end of a day in this world is fine.  just dont get addicted and do it everyday.

im gonna keep moving forward, trying to be better, while not trying to be the best.

My poorly put-together brain

I'm wired shit.  I think in dumb ways.  I know some people who are wired great, who are very balanced and are people that I would love to be.  I am not like this.
I've had the counselling, the CBT, the anti-depressants and the 'ol self medicating, to basically avoid or work around my shitty brain.
My main self-avoidance tactic, has been smoking weed, i have pretty much smoked everyday for around 12/13 years.  It worked great, soothed the crazy, turned off that shitty thinking part of my brain, and i had a laugh.  Its not working for me anymore, and i have been trying to quit for most of 2016, never doing more than a week.  I think i can do it now.

I have a few stratgies to use to help the transition, and for reasons im not going to get into just yet it has to work!

So here we go, time to meet someone i havnt seen in a long time, i am scared about what might happen, how i will feel and what i might do.... but im 34 now, need to see whait i've got, if anything.